I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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