so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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