he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
