Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
