Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He better not be in your backpack
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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