do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
