I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
