I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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