need another drink. this is the easiest way
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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