this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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