My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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