Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Randomize
