Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize