I am puke
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
