so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize