R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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