the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
