sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pants are for mortals
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
