So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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