Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
