You're my little dorito
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
