The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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