Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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