it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize