The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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