oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
