Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
