If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
