Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
