you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
