I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
