just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
