She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
