you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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