If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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