This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
