Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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