dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
