My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
