Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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