Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
