Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
