i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
