so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
