OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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