I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
