Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
