You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sarcasm needs its own font
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
