i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
