At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize