I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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