the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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