I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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