I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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