Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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