I molested 6 butterflies tonight
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize