haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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