Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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