Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
