I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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