So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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