He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
