I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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