the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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