I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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