He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
