end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize