I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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