I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
