return my video game
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
