Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
