Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
