I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
