mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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