we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
