I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's shark week go big or go home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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