The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize