You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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