i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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