O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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