I love black thongs
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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