i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
